having a real bad day small

Friday was one of “those” days.  I left the condo with just enough time to get to my physical therapy appointment.  When I got down to my car, I discovered my keys were not in my purse where they always are.  I came back upstairs and searched frantically for what seemed like 10 minutes, almost called to cancel my appointment, and finally found them in yesterday’s jacket pocket. 

On the way to therapy I got distracted and nearly missed my exit, crossing two lanes of traffic so I’d be on time.  [Note to self: You said bad words to a driver who did that exact thing in front of you just last week. Learn some compassion!]  Therapy was moderately difficult and ended just as Friday rush hour was getting into full swing.  It took me 1 hour and 20 minutes to drive the 18 miles back home. 

happy hour
Stay with me, here’s where it gets better.  My sister had happy hour ready for me when I got home.  She had cooked fried, happy hour food and mixed our drinks of choice. She also had chosen a station on Pandora that was playing songs from our era.  These songs were the ones I fell in love to, learned to play guitar to, ached for a different life to.  They resonated deep within me and brought back memories with every note and every word. 

As I let the music and the alcohol wash over me, it occurred to me that the strongest emotions and the strongest memories being stirred by the music were feelings of longing for happier life, a happier me, and a sense of ease that I never felt in my youth and young adulthood.  Back in those days I wished for the life the songwriters appeared to be living. I wished for the love they sang about finding.  I felt the melancholy of love lost, life unfulfilled a world in turmoil.

And with those thoughts and memories, I realized I am, right now, today and every day, living the life I was so yearning for when these songs were new.  And that life I dreamed of has nothing to do with geography, or finances, or career, or fame and fortune.  This dream I’m living is all because I am finally secure within myself, confident in my self-worth and my place in the world, and I’m happy. 

Sure, I live in California now, not everyone’s dream, but undoubtedly beautiful.  And it wouldn’t matter if I were still living in the Midwest or anywhere else in the world.  I would still be grateful for the sunshine through the trees, the color of the sky, the home I live in, the food I eat, and every breath I take.   Friday evening, I sang along to each song, every note and every word imprinted deep in my heart, but I’ve replaced the longing with awe and gratitude for having ‘come of age.’

I’m seated at the Main Meal of life and savoring every bite.  It’s one of those days.